On Saturday I turned 50. It has been an incredible sprint to get here, even though I was in no hurry. Since my last posting in July, my family and myself have been through a lot of change and at a very fast pace. Let me recap it for you: when last I posted I was in the Latvian countryside enjoying a very slow and enjoyable 6 weeks. Then my wife, my dog (Capitan Spaulding) and I were driven two days with by my stepson and his girlfriend to Prague. We got Spaulding’s papers in order (from a ministry who was closed but accommodated us anyway) and flew to New York. During the flight we watched Marley and Me, which made my wife and I completely gilt ridden. IN New York we spent 5 days getting Spaulding over the flight by staying at my brother’s house. He has two German Sheppard puppies and the three dogs played and got along well. Spaulding’s healing from a drugged up flight was complete. We then packed again into a car and drove two more days to Florida, our new home. My son joined us the next day and started school the following Monday. My wife began getting her American green card paper work into place as I got our insurances and other necessary items in place. We had one and a half weeks, and then I left for Riyadh, Saudi Arabia where a start-up had asked me to help out.
My wife has since gotten her green card and social security card. She has also learned to shop effectively online and is refurnishing a house that used to be a beach house into a Moroccan style villa. My mother moved back from New York to her home down the street from us. She is a valuable shopping companion to my wife, using her twenty five years of aggressive shopping in this part of Florida to teach my wife non- online shopping art forms.
My son and I visited colleges the second trip home which is when we celebrated my 50th birthday. I keep threatening him with me going back to college too. The option is very attractive to me most days. Riyadh is a very tough place to spend a significant amount of time if you are holed up in a hotel. The local social and cultural norms are pretty unsatisfying to a westerner. Perhaps Saudi Arabia will be a future blog entry, but let’s just say American college is looking very attractive.
After these past few months I can hardly believe the level of change in my life. To add more disbelief to the mix, I am half a century old. How the hell did that happen? I am pretty sure I would be in shock if I was not so busy.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Vacation
I have never been very good at vacation. I am not a planner, so any vacation that requires planning is dependent on someone else doing it and including me. I am from a big, close family and I moved from where my family is centered over twenty years ago, so most vacation time from work and holidays go to seeing them and catching up with old friends from that part of the US. I can think of very few memorable vacations.
This year is very different. My future wife and I purchased an old school in the countryside of her home country four years ago. I have never had a real vacation home before. As I wrote in previous entries, we spent a lot of time and effort this spring getting married a few times. I knew last winter that this would be a summer of transition, so I planned six weeks at the country house. This house is really a project, with a lot done, but a lot still to do. But this is the first summer that it has enough infrastructures to stay in for an extended period of time. It required a ton of work from us, family members from her family, neighbors, craftsmen and others. For the past two weekends we felt confident enough to invite friends to visit or in some cases stay with us. We hosted seven different friends and family visits or stays over the last week and a half.
We worked our butts off (really, my wife’s butt is gone) on the house. The location if the house is quite rural, so pushing nature back required me sacrificing my body to the insect world. I am pretty sure I have encephalitis and limes disease combined. My guests this weekend came back from a smoking break laughing and shared with me that the thought of a New Yorker in this countryside is hysterically funny to them. It occurred to me that I am living in a close to Green Acres world (New Yorker, Eastern European wife, Mr. Haney, Ralph and Alph, the whole woks. I am having the best vacation of my life.
This year is very different. My future wife and I purchased an old school in the countryside of her home country four years ago. I have never had a real vacation home before. As I wrote in previous entries, we spent a lot of time and effort this spring getting married a few times. I knew last winter that this would be a summer of transition, so I planned six weeks at the country house. This house is really a project, with a lot done, but a lot still to do. But this is the first summer that it has enough infrastructures to stay in for an extended period of time. It required a ton of work from us, family members from her family, neighbors, craftsmen and others. For the past two weekends we felt confident enough to invite friends to visit or in some cases stay with us. We hosted seven different friends and family visits or stays over the last week and a half.
We worked our butts off (really, my wife’s butt is gone) on the house. The location if the house is quite rural, so pushing nature back required me sacrificing my body to the insect world. I am pretty sure I have encephalitis and limes disease combined. My guests this weekend came back from a smoking break laughing and shared with me that the thought of a New Yorker in this countryside is hysterically funny to them. It occurred to me that I am living in a close to Green Acres world (New Yorker, Eastern European wife, Mr. Haney, Ralph and Alph, the whole woks. I am having the best vacation of my life.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Crying at Movies
I am movie fan. I like old movies (even some silent ones), new movies and everything in between. I am interested in not only the story, but the acting, directing, producing and technical aspects of film making. I buy movies on DVD and used to buy VHS because since living overseas, I do not subscribe to cable or satellite TV. With the DVD’s I watch not only the movie, but the Special Features, especially the short film on making the big film, and often re-watch the film with the directors comments. I usually then run to my computer and read whatever Wikipedia has on the movie, follow the links for the director, actors and writers. I rotate my reading with a broad variety of book types (biography, history, theology, philosophy, fiction) and a regular in the mix is movie making or movie makers. To sum it up, I am interested in movies.
Now I need to tell you that, while I can get through most of life’s events without a good cry, I cry at movies. The medium touches me. Without any real conscious knowledge of it, I am wiping my eyes somewhere in the first hour of a good movie. It has nothing to do with the plot; it is about being touched deeply, and appreciating it. That ability, the strength of that medium and the director’s execution of telling the story really are a deep pleasure for me. Tears of joy just flow. I am pretty sure this state of euphoria helps me to sleep soundly through repeat showings of a movie for visiting friends or family. I very comfortably sleep through my favorite movies during repeat performance. I can attempt to watch my favorite movies over 20 times, but I only get through it a few times before I use the film as a drug to induce a fulfilling hour or so nap. The nap and the cry are independent of each other and not mutually exclusive. I am not sure if I cry in my sleep during movies, but I do not cry in my dreams.
Last night my wife had to leave the last part of a movie we were watching together. It was a movie recommended by her son. It was a recent movie release and had won awards for its director and actors. I finished the movie (with some moist eyes, pretty under control for me) and went up stairs to see her. She was crying in bed. I asked what was wrong and she told me her son had told her the main character dies at the end and she did not want to see that. I asked why she recommended the movie and she said it was because it was supposed to be a good one, and was. She just did not want to see the character die at the end. I comforted her for 15 or 20 minutes and when I she looked ready to fall asleep, I ran to my computer to finish my movie experience.
Now I can only say that whenever I watch that movie again, I will be too scared to sleep and to be too anxious to cry. I will worry about her the entire time (assuming she is there). Empathy is not something I had ever brought to the movie couch. My life may have changed forever.
Now I need to tell you that, while I can get through most of life’s events without a good cry, I cry at movies. The medium touches me. Without any real conscious knowledge of it, I am wiping my eyes somewhere in the first hour of a good movie. It has nothing to do with the plot; it is about being touched deeply, and appreciating it. That ability, the strength of that medium and the director’s execution of telling the story really are a deep pleasure for me. Tears of joy just flow. I am pretty sure this state of euphoria helps me to sleep soundly through repeat showings of a movie for visiting friends or family. I very comfortably sleep through my favorite movies during repeat performance. I can attempt to watch my favorite movies over 20 times, but I only get through it a few times before I use the film as a drug to induce a fulfilling hour or so nap. The nap and the cry are independent of each other and not mutually exclusive. I am not sure if I cry in my sleep during movies, but I do not cry in my dreams.
Last night my wife had to leave the last part of a movie we were watching together. It was a movie recommended by her son. It was a recent movie release and had won awards for its director and actors. I finished the movie (with some moist eyes, pretty under control for me) and went up stairs to see her. She was crying in bed. I asked what was wrong and she told me her son had told her the main character dies at the end and she did not want to see that. I asked why she recommended the movie and she said it was because it was supposed to be a good one, and was. She just did not want to see the character die at the end. I comforted her for 15 or 20 minutes and when I she looked ready to fall asleep, I ran to my computer to finish my movie experience.
Now I can only say that whenever I watch that movie again, I will be too scared to sleep and to be too anxious to cry. I will worry about her the entire time (assuming she is there). Empathy is not something I had ever brought to the movie couch. My life may have changed forever.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
When things go right
There is an old debate amongst business people about how to best run a business. One side claims that detailed planning, accounting for every variable and contingency, thorough documentation of the environment, industry, market and company with sales plans that flow into budgets, etc is the way to go. The other side maintains that execution is the primary focus. This theory is that all the planning in the world will not foresee all the things that the environment, industry market, government etc will throw at you so worry about and focus on execution. There is plenty of evidence for each side of this argument.
We hosted about 23 friends and family the past 2 weeks at our wedding. We had the church and reception places reserved and took care of a few hotel arrangements. Most of the guests stayed at our home and took public transportation to various tourist venues and meals not at home over a long weekend.
Here is the rub, planning requires consensus and agreement. Planning for a dinner out would require a massive amount of consensus building on an issue that most everyone can be easily satisfied. That goes for tourist venues too. So on the lead up to the visits; I was a proponent of minimal plans. My soon to be wife on the other hand needed plans in place. We abstractly had a plan to use public transportation or taxi to get everywhere (no too easy with 23 bodies), debated over restaurants and tourist venues and guessed at attendance levels of each. My spouse had the one meal she needed catered at the house arranged, the rest were trips to the supermarket. She tortured herself with the fear of delegating some kitchen duty to guests, where I was confident no one in my family would think twice about going into my refrigerator and using my stove, toaster, coffee maker or whatever.
Somehow, and I don’t know how, everything went alright. The plans were minimal with not hard set itinerary but a general; this is what we will do when (except the wedding and reception). We managed to more than survive, deliver a very enjoyable weekend in Prague for everyone who came.
I can only assume that opposites really do attract and that the debate over planning and execution gets no contribution from our wedding. But it is sure nice when things go right.
We hosted about 23 friends and family the past 2 weeks at our wedding. We had the church and reception places reserved and took care of a few hotel arrangements. Most of the guests stayed at our home and took public transportation to various tourist venues and meals not at home over a long weekend.
Here is the rub, planning requires consensus and agreement. Planning for a dinner out would require a massive amount of consensus building on an issue that most everyone can be easily satisfied. That goes for tourist venues too. So on the lead up to the visits; I was a proponent of minimal plans. My soon to be wife on the other hand needed plans in place. We abstractly had a plan to use public transportation or taxi to get everywhere (no too easy with 23 bodies), debated over restaurants and tourist venues and guessed at attendance levels of each. My spouse had the one meal she needed catered at the house arranged, the rest were trips to the supermarket. She tortured herself with the fear of delegating some kitchen duty to guests, where I was confident no one in my family would think twice about going into my refrigerator and using my stove, toaster, coffee maker or whatever.
Somehow, and I don’t know how, everything went alright. The plans were minimal with not hard set itinerary but a general; this is what we will do when (except the wedding and reception). We managed to more than survive, deliver a very enjoyable weekend in Prague for everyone who came.
I can only assume that opposites really do attract and that the debate over planning and execution gets no contribution from our wedding. But it is sure nice when things go right.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Politicians and dog pee
Politicians and dog pee
I walk my dog Captain Spaulding in the park most days. The park is enclosed by a large stone wall on 38 hectares of forest surrounding a medieval castle and is a very dog friendly place, allowing dogs to run free. Most dogs give each other a sniff and then either go about their business or play together for a few minutes before moving on. On rare occasions they growl at each other but I have never seen a fight. There is one habit that is not quite playing and not quite fighting, male dominance type dance. A dog, usually the smallest, will raise his hind leg and pee on a bush. He will be followed by the next biggest dog that will go through the same exercise, followed by each of the other male dogs paying any attention to the ritual. Sometimes one of the early peers will double back for a shot at that final pee. The ritual is fascinating and I am sure means something, but I am never quite sure what. The dogs usually go about their business afterwards, without much of a thought.
I notice on the television talking heads news shows, a very familiar ritual occurs. Someone (usually a Senator or Congressman) starts a dialogue about the story of the week and sure enough, he is followed by a gang that goes about and soils the same topic over and over again. Of course one must exchange opening a mouth with lifting a leg and the bush for the topic of the week (with the exception of the previous administration of course) but the activity bears enormous similarities.
I don’t really know what the talking heads go off and do afterwards.
I walk my dog Captain Spaulding in the park most days. The park is enclosed by a large stone wall on 38 hectares of forest surrounding a medieval castle and is a very dog friendly place, allowing dogs to run free. Most dogs give each other a sniff and then either go about their business or play together for a few minutes before moving on. On rare occasions they growl at each other but I have never seen a fight. There is one habit that is not quite playing and not quite fighting, male dominance type dance. A dog, usually the smallest, will raise his hind leg and pee on a bush. He will be followed by the next biggest dog that will go through the same exercise, followed by each of the other male dogs paying any attention to the ritual. Sometimes one of the early peers will double back for a shot at that final pee. The ritual is fascinating and I am sure means something, but I am never quite sure what. The dogs usually go about their business afterwards, without much of a thought.
I notice on the television talking heads news shows, a very familiar ritual occurs. Someone (usually a Senator or Congressman) starts a dialogue about the story of the week and sure enough, he is followed by a gang that goes about and soils the same topic over and over again. Of course one must exchange opening a mouth with lifting a leg and the bush for the topic of the week (with the exception of the previous administration of course) but the activity bears enormous similarities.
I don’t really know what the talking heads go off and do afterwards.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Weddings
Weddings
Well today I head to Riga to get married, the first time this month. Two weeks from now I will get married again in Prague. I was married once before, 19 years ago, in Connecticut. You might be thinking that I may be a global polygamist. I am not. My first marriage ended three years after it started. There is one woman at both the Riga and Prague weddings. One is a civil marriage, one a church service. Two friends will be the only guests present at the civil ceremony in Riga, a Latvian couple we are friendly with will serve as witnesses. The second, a church wedding, will be at St Barbara’s Chapel at Saint Thomas Church in the Augustinian Monastery in Prague. The civil wedding was recommended to us by our priest at Saint Thomas. With both of us being foreigners living in the Czech Republic, the administrative risks for a purely church wedding was a bit too high.
We have been hosting friends visits to Prague for two weeks now, it’s nice to slow down and just get married a few times, although, for the church wedding we will have visitors from the U.S. and Latvia, as well as a few local guests. Most of the guests are Schaubs (my family) from the U.S.; they require no planning and are not capable of any. It requires a consensus, which is mathematically impossible. This is creating a lot of unnatural feeling for my future spouse, but she has been around long enough to know how manage through it. All things with my family have a bit of unbelievable quality to them. I scheduled the wedding during one brother and his wife’s tip to Prague, 16 family members and friends are coming.
We have two weddings, visits and a double relocation back to the U.S. and Latvia this summer. I will keep you posted.
Well today I head to Riga to get married, the first time this month. Two weeks from now I will get married again in Prague. I was married once before, 19 years ago, in Connecticut. You might be thinking that I may be a global polygamist. I am not. My first marriage ended three years after it started. There is one woman at both the Riga and Prague weddings. One is a civil marriage, one a church service. Two friends will be the only guests present at the civil ceremony in Riga, a Latvian couple we are friendly with will serve as witnesses. The second, a church wedding, will be at St Barbara’s Chapel at Saint Thomas Church in the Augustinian Monastery in Prague. The civil wedding was recommended to us by our priest at Saint Thomas. With both of us being foreigners living in the Czech Republic, the administrative risks for a purely church wedding was a bit too high.
We have been hosting friends visits to Prague for two weeks now, it’s nice to slow down and just get married a few times, although, for the church wedding we will have visitors from the U.S. and Latvia, as well as a few local guests. Most of the guests are Schaubs (my family) from the U.S.; they require no planning and are not capable of any. It requires a consensus, which is mathematically impossible. This is creating a lot of unnatural feeling for my future spouse, but she has been around long enough to know how manage through it. All things with my family have a bit of unbelievable quality to them. I scheduled the wedding during one brother and his wife’s tip to Prague, 16 family members and friends are coming.
We have two weddings, visits and a double relocation back to the U.S. and Latvia this summer. I will keep you posted.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Leadership and Eastern European Housing
Leadership and Eastern European Housing
The online dictionary definition of Leadership:
1. The position or office of a leader: ascended to the leadership of the party.
2. Capacity or ability to lead: showed strong leadership during her first term in office.
3. A group of leaders: met with the leadership of the nation's top unions.
4. Guidance; direction: The business prospered under the leadership of the new president.
I have been in Eastern Europe for eight years now, working in the mortgage industry, or using the more politically correct term; housing finance. My first employer was a technical assistance fund sponsored by the US government, my second a large US financial company. The technical assistance funds’ interest in the mortgage market was part of a program to assist in the transition from a planned economy (communist) to a market economy (capitalist). The mortgage market, which supports the housing market was a core program with the belief that home owners make better citizens, so the benefits of our work was both economic and civic. At my latest employer, we pushed “Housing Leadership” with a communication campaign which yielded over 400 articles in the local press across the region. From 2006 through the first half of 2008, mortgage was a core product.
Well times change. Hundreds of thousands and perhaps soon millions of new capitalists are losing their home ownership during this economic cycle. The benefits of home ownership, both economic and political are retreating.
So I am left with a question; what do leaders do during a retreat?
The online dictionary definition of Leadership:
1. The position or office of a leader: ascended to the leadership of the party.
2. Capacity or ability to lead: showed strong leadership during her first term in office.
3. A group of leaders: met with the leadership of the nation's top unions.
4. Guidance; direction: The business prospered under the leadership of the new president.
I have been in Eastern Europe for eight years now, working in the mortgage industry, or using the more politically correct term; housing finance. My first employer was a technical assistance fund sponsored by the US government, my second a large US financial company. The technical assistance funds’ interest in the mortgage market was part of a program to assist in the transition from a planned economy (communist) to a market economy (capitalist). The mortgage market, which supports the housing market was a core program with the belief that home owners make better citizens, so the benefits of our work was both economic and civic. At my latest employer, we pushed “Housing Leadership” with a communication campaign which yielded over 400 articles in the local press across the region. From 2006 through the first half of 2008, mortgage was a core product.
Well times change. Hundreds of thousands and perhaps soon millions of new capitalists are losing their home ownership during this economic cycle. The benefits of home ownership, both economic and political are retreating.
So I am left with a question; what do leaders do during a retreat?
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